Harry Potter and the New Girl
by NoNoMoon
Summary: What happens when an American comes to Hogwarts? Well, of course, chaos! (I must warn you of OOC and a Mary Sue)
1. A Strange Twist

By NoNoMoon and Chica  
  
Disclaimer: We do not own Harry Potter or any of the characters or things associated with it. That, my friends, is why life sucks. Oh yeah, this is a spin-off. So don't get any little (or big) ideas into your little (or big) heads. Enjoy! P.s. Nikki is our character, along with the others we happened to invent. SO DON'T SUE!!!!!!!  
  
Harry Potter and the New Girl  
  
"HARRY POTTER, GET YOUR FILTHY BUTT OVER HERE!!!!!!!!!" Ron Weasley yelled to his long-time friend, both in their 6th year at Hogwarts, a school in Scotland. "GOOD GRIEF, ARE YOU DEAF OR SOMETHING? BLIMEY, YOU WOULD THINK THAT THE STUPID GUY WOUL-," He stopped short as the person in the cloak turned around.  
  
"WHAT did you call me, boy? I dare you to say that TO MY FACE, you revolting piece of trash!!!!!!!!!" The person yelled angrily. Continuing sarcastically, "Go on, go on, SAY it. What???? Oh, you're scared. Poor baby. Well, I SWEAR, If you don't-----," the person broke off.  
  
Ron stared with his mouth open. He closed it, swallowed, and let it fall open again. "Uh…you're not Harry P- Potter, are you? 'Cuz you look like him. From the back. Not from the front, of course," he stammered. From the front you look FINE, he thought. Obviously, it was a girl.  
  
With short, layered, jet-black hair and icy green eyes, she STRONGLY resembled Harry with a cloak on. "My Gosh, it's HOT in this freaky-London place, anyways," she spoke with an American accent. She removed her brown cloak to reveal a top with skinny straps that cut off right above her belly button, which was not pierced, much to Ron's relief. Written in black ink were the words 'Abercrombie & Fitch'. She was wearing short-shorts and mini-platforms with butterflies on them. She had four earrings in one ear and three in the other. "Yo, kiddo, you don't happen to know where this loser school Hogwarts is, do you? I'm s'posed to find a dumb 'Hogwarts Express'. This place is SOOOOOO lame." She stopped for a breath to notice Ron STILL staring. "Yooo, retard, stop staring to get a clue."  
  
Ron blushed a deep red. "Okaaay, with your hair, that just doesn't look right." The girl said. Suddenly the tables turned and she was nice. "Look, I understand that this concept may be difficult for you to understand— but please, TRY." She said slowly, as if talking to a three- year-old, "I am a lost sixteen-year old girl looking for a train. A train called HOG-WARTS EX-PRESS. Train, ya know choo-choo?" She threw up her hands. "I swear, y'all are dense! What is it with England????" The girl smacked on her gum.  
  
"Y-Y-You know, you look a lot like my friend Harry…" Ron said weakly.  
  
The girl grabbed him by the collar of his cloak. "First off, you really need someone to educate ya about hip clothing." She started to shake him. "But more importantly, WHY DOES EVERY STUPID FREAKIN' RETARD IN THIS STUPID FREAKIN' COUNTRY SAY I LOOK LIKE SOME STUPID FREAKIN' RETARD NAMED HARRY POTTER??? I MEAN, WHAT KIND OF WUSSY NAME IS THAT? HARRY POTTER?? HONESTLY, YOU ARE SO FREAKS!!!!" She suddenly yelled at the people staring at them. The people suddenly found that, oh, they needed to continue shopping.  
  
All except for this really annoyed-looking boy. All he could do was stare and repeat, "Wussy?" several times over. He walked over, looked at Ron, who was still in the kung-fu grip of this girl, and said, "So, who's your girlfriend?"  
  
"GIRLFRIEND!?!?!?!?!? I WOULDN'T EVEN BE CAUGHT DEAD WITH THIS STUPID FREAKIN' RETARD!!!!!!!!!! I MEAN, HE DOESN'T EVEN KNOW WHAT A TRAIN IS!!!!!!" The girl yelled, not comprehending that he was referring to the fact that she was holding Ron.  
  
"Whoa, don't lose your head. I'm Harry Potter. You know, the 'stupid freakin' retard' with the 'wussy name'? This is Ron Weasley. Oh, and by the way, what the heck is 'wussy'?"  
  
She stared calmly, and realized she still had Ron in her death-grip. His face actually was turning slightly red. She released him, and his face immediately returned to normal. She looked back and forth between Ron and Harry, who both were looking at her with a bewildered look on their faces. She looked up to Heaven and began to pray: "Dear God, please, please, PLEASE help me. I am surrounded by idiots. Complete morons. Absolute geeks. Save me, take my life if you have to, just GET ME AWAY from these people." She glanced back towards the boys and said calmly, "Yes? May I help you? No, wait- you're beyond help. Ooooookay, I'll find some way, though." She paused, threw her arms around both boys, and began to walk aimlessly, dragging them along. "I am Dominique Harply, at your service--- not. I am sixteen years old. I'm from Atlanta, Georgia, and used to attend a-uh-school, I guess you could say. Hey, Harry, is that a wand you're holding? Great, I already noticed your little dorky friend has one. I'm also a witch, well, a magical being. I went to that school. Life history: I don't have one. No clue whatsoever as to who my parents are. This old hag (Not the real 'hag', it's just an expression… gosh, was she a stupid Muggle!!! She wasn't a witch, that much was obvious to me 'cuz of her butt-ugly looks) found me when I was one year old. I was at a wreckage place in Britain. I guess my parents were alcoholics or druggies, because they had abandoned me, the retards. Well, this old lady named me Dominique. She was so annoying, so I, with my obvious magic powers (well, to me anyways), ran away. I smuggled myself to America, met some witchly and magical friends, and went to the school in Atlanta. I adopted the name Nikki and I never had a chance to get a boyfriend, even though several cute guys had their eyes on me, of course. (Boy, were they HOT or what!) My stupid foster mother, a professor, wouldn't allow that, because she felt that the boys in America had 'rude and impolite behavior' or some other freaky concept like that. So the dork wrote her long-time friend, Professor McGonagall, and shipped me off to this freaky town so I could go to 'Dear old Minerva's school (it's probably nerd-infested, and it's also probably a dump). GAG!! 'Course, now I can't even find the stupid TRAIN- ,"  
  
"THE TRAIN!!!!!!!!!!" Both Harry and Ron yelled together. Harry checked his watch. "Okay. Good. Breathe, Ron, breathe. We have 20 minutes. Let's move." 


	2. The Train Ride

By NoNoMoon and Chica  
  
Disclaimer: We do not own Harry Potter or any of the characters or things associated with it. That, my friends, is why life sucks. Oh yeah, this is a spin-off. So don't get any little (or big) ideas into your little (or big) heads. Enjoy! P.s. Nikki is our character, along with the others we happened to invent. SO DON'T SUE!!!!!!!  
  
Harry Potter and the New Girl  
  
The trio motored towards the station and darted through the platform. They used their magic to make their bags and other stuff appear, and they boarded the train.  
  
Once inside, they took the back seats, along with Hermione, Ginny, Seamus, Neville, and the rest of the old gang. All the guys' eyes were on Nikki. Hermione and Ginny just rolled their eyes at each other, staring disgustedly at the boys. Nikki sat down next to the girls, and Harry said with gusto, "This is Dominique Harply. She's American."  
  
"Ooooooooooooooh," everyone said sarcastically. Hermione said, "Hi, Dominique. I'm Hermione, and that's Ginny. All those brainless children over there, well, I'm not quite sure of exactly who they are." Suddenly, she snapped at the boys, "Close your mouths." They all did, only to let it drop open again.  
  
"Please, peeps, please call me Nikki. It's shorter and cooler. Besides, Dominique is too much of a drag. And close your mouths, you all look like fish. So, what year are you peeps in?"  
  
"Well, Nikki, we are all in our sixth year, except for Ginny, who's in her fifth year," said Hermione.  
  
" 'Peeps'? What is 'peeps'?" Harry asked, quite stupidly.  
  
"Peoples, you brainless girl-magnet," Ron said sarcastically. "Honestly, jocks these days are so stupid. Even I know what 'peeps' is, loser," He said, borrowing Nikki's language.  
  
"Don't call him a loser," Nikki defended Harry. "But talk about girl- magnet, well, that's closer to the REAL truth." She scooted closer to Harry, with a mischievous smile on her face.  
  
"Ah, well, er…" Harry said with a hint of red creeping onto his face.  
  
"Well, Harry, that's what you get for being such a dumb 'jock'," Dean said, laughing.  
  
"WHAT???? HOW DARE YOU FLIRT WITH MY HARRY? BACK OFF, YOU-YOU-YOU AMERICAN, YOU!!!!!!" Ginny burst out.  
  
"Oh, Ginny, eh, not in love with our famous Harry Potter, are we, now? Just possessively controlling him. If the new girl wants to flirt with Harry, then that's her choice. Not really the best option, but still, her choice…" Ron said, barely containing his own anger at not 'scoring' Nikki.  
  
"Of course, ALL the girls flirt with Harry," Neville said. "No one ever flirts with some non-famous person, with a toad named Trevor…." There was a hint of wistfulness in his voice. All the sudden, there was a knock on the door.  
  
"Hello, I was wondering if you had seen my frog, her name is Francis, she's really quite bad," a girl with straight blond hair and big brown eyes asked. She was tall, and had big glasses that covered half her face. Her ponytail bobbed as she nearly fell on her way towards Seamus. "Cousin, I seem to have, uh-," she broke off as she tripped over Neville. Boy, is he cute! She thought. "Well, I seem to have misplaced Francis again, and, uh, I forgot where she is, kinda…" She tripped again over Neville on her way out, trying to drag Seamus with her. "Ah, yes, my name is Ullanda," she said directly towards Neville.  
  
Neville blushed as she went out. She hadn't succeeded in pulling out Seamus, but she had probably forgotten about it by now. Boy, was she EVER cute, or what? He thought. Neville leaned over towards Ron and whispered loudly, "And you didn't think they made 'em okay at Hogwarts…" Ron was obviously trying his best not to laugh.  
  
"Uh, right, Neville, you go get 'er. We'll wait here. Perhaps she'll go out with you, you sly fox, you." He teased. Neville blushed a deep red as all the others laughed. He stared wistfully at the door.  
  
Meanwhile, Nikki was running her hand through Harry's hair. Seamus whistled loudly and said, "Hot dog, Harry, why'd you have to get all the good ones, and I'm stuck with Cho Chang?"  
  
Now Ron was REALLY angry. He was stewing so badly, Hermione thought smoke would come out of his ears. "Here, Ron, you can pet Crookshanks to make you feel all better. Now, don't choke him, he's very delicate, especially after he developed that phobia to that-that-DOG Professor McGonagall let you get. Honestly, I don't know WHY she gave you special permission, just so you wouldn't make a bad pet option again…. I mean, isn't Pig enough? You just said that you would either get that other rat with the missing toe or a Yuma, which you KNOW she's deathly afraid of, just so you could get a dog to scare MY Crookshanks………" Hermione rambled on.  
  
No one was paying attention to her, Ron in the least. All the guys were staring at Nikki again; curious at how she was going to 'capture' Harry, much to Ginny's disgust. All the sudden, the door burst open again, and a boy walked in, flanked by two trolls, or so Nikki thought. "So, Malfoy, who's your torture object now?" Harry asked smoothly, angry with Draco for interrupting Nikki.  
  
Draco refused to answer. "DANG," he said, "Who's the hottie?"  
  
Nikki giggled. "Gee, thanks, but I can't return the compliment. You look like Hermione here raised you from the dead. Not that I doubt that she could, she seems to be the smartest witch in the school. Oh, and who are those rejects behind you? And who are you, you RETARD?"  
  
Draco was staring at her.  
  
"Wow," Ron said, "For once the mighty Draco is speechless. I, for one, am shocked. Oh, and Malfoy—she's taken."  
  
"By who?" Draco demanded. "When I find out, I'll kill him! And then I'll kill every other boy who stands in my way!!"  
  
Nikki stomped over to Malfoy. "First off, you'd have to kill every living boy in the planet- forget that, the UNIVERSE, before I'd be caught dead with YOU. You'd even have to kill those monsters behind you, whoever they are. Second, NO WAY are you killing MY Harry."  
  
"YOUR HARRY? SORRY, SISTER, NOT IN THIS LIFETIME!" Ginny interrupted.  
  
"Yeah, MY Harry. Got a problem with that, girly? Well, anyways, Malfoy, or whoever the much COOLER people than you said your name is…" She repeated the step she had done with Ron in the streets: she grabbed him and shook him. " Third, I AM NOT A TOY. OKAY???? GOT THAT, RETARD??? YOU CANNOT PASS ME AROUND. AND IF YOU DO…" A teacher popped her head in and interrupted her.  
  
"Hello? I heard shouting and was alarmed. Is everything all right in here?"  
  
"Yeah," Nikki said, blowing a bubble as she still held Malfoy in her death grip," just wonderful and peachy." All the sudden, her bubble popped and stuck to Malfoy's head. The teacher screamed and promptly fainted.  
  
Hermione said, "Oh. My. Gosh. This teacher is new! Ahh! What shall I do? I don't know her teaching techniques! I don't even know what she teaches!! I shall fail all her tests!!!!! Is this the end of me? I won't become head girl! They'll take away my prefect badge!! Oh, Heavenly Lord, help me!"  
  
"That's right, praise God Almighty, and your sins shall leave you and you shall walk into his Garden with Joy and Love and Praise!!!!!!!! For what do earthly grades matter, as long as you have His Love forever? Nothing in this world is important- well, okay, with the exception of boys, -and you shall live in His reign!!!! For 'Everyone who calls the name of the Lord shall be saved!' (Romans 10:12-18)," Nikki contributed to the conversation.  
  
Everyone was staring at Nikki. "Uh… Riiiiiight," Hermione said cluelessly. She had just said that so God would help her, not to give Nikki any ideas. "Well anyways, Nikki, was that Times Twenty Bubble you were using? The magical kind where it doesn't come out without a special spell? And only the one who stuck it can reverse the spell?"  
  
"Yup," Nikki said proudly. "Quite ingenious, really. I don't know how I invented it."  
  
"YOU invented it?" Everyone yelled.  
  
"Yeah, I'm pretty good with practical jokes and stuff. If you ever need a practical joke, I'm your woman. After all, there are STILL 5 boys in America who STILL haven't managed to get their gum off. Hmm…I wonder why? That's probably one of the reasons they shipped me off to England." She gave them a wicked grin.  
  
Everyone exchanged looks.  
  
"So? What do we do with her?" Ron waved a hand at the figure on the floor.  
  
Nikki shrugged and released Malfoy from her death grip. "She's a teacher, she should know how to handle herself."  
  
"Uh, Nikki, I don't think we should just leave her…" said Harry.  
  
"LEAVE HER!?!" shrieked Hermione. "ABSOLUTELY NOT! IF I'M GONNA FAIL, I WANNA FAIL WITH A GOOD REPUTATION!!!"  
  
Ron raised an eyebrow. "How can you fail with a good reputation?"  
  
"Stuff it," she snapped.  
  
"You want a good reputation?" asked Nikki. "'Kay then: drag her out and pretend you had nothin' to do with it. Speaking of 'dragging out'," she turned to Draco. "You. Retard. Out. Now. And take those- those trolls with ya."  
  
Seamus whistled. "Show 'im, girl!"  
  
Nikki smiled at him. Draco glared threateningly at him. Nikki turned back to Draco. "Go on, get your filthy self out! NOW!!!"  
  
Draco didn't move.  
  
"Here, let me show you to the door." She grabbed him by the arm, yanked him over to the door, and practically threw him out. "And tell your monster friends to get her out too!" she yelled after him, pointing to the teacher. Crabbe and Goyle dragged the teacher out. Nikki slammed the door after screaming good-bye. From behind the closed door they all could hear some movement and a teacher yelling shrilly, "Malfoy! Detention! As soon as we get to Hogwarts! You understand me?"  
  
The compartment exploded into laughter. Nikki received high-fives from Seamus, Harry, Dean, and Ron. "That, peeps, is how you handle jerks," she said.  
  
"If only the Weasley twins were here." grinned Harry.  
  
"Hmm…I wonder who that teacher really was," mused Nikki as she stared out of the compartment.  
  
"Probably the new Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher," Ron replied, eager to answer.  
  
"You know, she looked a lot like Ullanda…" Hermione added to the conversation.  
  
"No way!" protested Neville. "Ullanda is so much cuter…" he blushed and covered up his mouth.  
  
Nikki just shrugged and replied by settling back into her position and smiled sweetly at Harry from his lap.  
  
Seamus shook his head. "How DOES he do it?" he asked.  
  
"Even after a few minutes interruption he still has her!" laughed Dean.  
  
Nikki grinned. "Y'all should be takin' notes."  
  
Ginny and Ron scowled.  
  
"What's he got that I haven't got?" asked Ron.  
  
"Looks. Very, very hot looks." replied Nikki promptly.  
  
"HEY! THAT'S MY MAN YOU'RE TALKIN' ABOUT!" cried Ginny.  
  
Seamus grinned wickedly. "Not any more he's not."  
  
"Why you-," began Ginny threateningly toward Nikki.  
  
Nikki interrupted her. "Listen sweetheart, if ya wanna get a man, you gotta know when to strike." She pulled out a parchment and a quill, wrote something down quickly, folded it, and handed it to Ginny. She took it hesitantly and read the following:  
  
Dear Jenny,  
  
If ya wanna know how to get a guy (not Harry), come by my dormitory later and I'll teach you how to flirt.  
  
-Nikki  
  
Ginny's face turned red as she read the letter. She crumpled it up and threw it aside.  
  
"First off," she cried at Nikki, "my name is GINNY not JENNY you – you person you!"  
  
She stood up and stamped her foot angrily. Everyone stared at her. They had never seen her so angry, even Ron. "And second, I KNOW HOW TO FLIRT AND I DON'T NEED YOU OF ALL PEOPLE TO SHOW ME HOW!!!" As if to prove her statement, she ran over and sat in Harry's lap. Harry, who was shocked at first, tried pushing her off.  
  
"Ginny! Get off of me! I know that you're my best friend's sister and all and I do like you-as a friend that is-but I don't like like you! I'm not interested in you at all! NOW GET OFF!!!"  
  
"But-but-but I-," Ginny started to whimper, very close to tears and she ran out of the compartment, crying.  
  
Ron glared at Harry coldly. "Geez Harry, what did ya have to that for…Oh well!" He shrugged the incident out of his mind, and once again focused on Nikki, who had retired into her old position with Harry. She was going to say something but the train slowed down and came to a stop in the Hogsmeade station. 


	3. Nikki Meets McGonagall

By NoNoMoon and Chica  
  
Disclaimer: We do not own Harry Potter or any of the characters or things associated with it. That, my friends, is why life sucks. Oh yeah, this is a spin-off. So don't get any little (or big) ideas into your little (or big) heads. Enjoy! P.s. Nikki is our character, along with the others we happened to invent. SO DON'T SUE!!!!!!!  
  
Harry Potter and the New Girl  
  
"Oh goody we're here!" Nikki clambered out followed by the rest of the gang. "Where's the luggage?"  
  
"It's probably already in the castle. We'd better hurry up, it looks like it's gonna pour!" Hermione glanced worriedly up at the sky.  
  
"Well come on then. Rig your rear into high gear!" Nikki grabbed Harry's hand and dragged him to one of the horseless carriages that awaited them.  
  
"No way am I gonna let you two ride all the way up there alone!" Ron dashed up the steps, following Nikki. Seamus, Dean, and Hermione clambered in and the carriage sped away toward the giant castle.  
  
Once inside they squeezed through the crowd and hurried to the decorated Great Hall and sat down at the Gryffindor table except Nikki, who Harry had to lead (against Ron's protests) to the line of first years that waited to be sorted.  
  
"Is it going to hurt?" Nikki asked as he pushed her in the line.  
  
"No way, all you do is put the hat on and take it off again. Well see you later!" He sauntered back to the others.  
  
Nikki anxiously waited in line, standing out against the little first- years. "Watch it!" someone snapped at her while they waited. She spun around angrily.  
  
"Grrr…" she said, and the eleven year old yelped, scampering for cover behind his friend.  
  
"Erm, Miss?" a tall, young girl with blonde hair and big, blue eyes asked her. "What are you doing here?"  
  
"Good question! I'm new! What are you doing here?"  
  
The lofty girl smiled. "Waiting to get sorted, of course!"  
  
"Well, meeeee, too!" Nikki said, jumping up and down.  
  
"I'm Rini. What's your name?" asked the blonde, giggling.  
  
"Nikki. So, can you tell me about these weird house things?"  
  
"Sure! One of 'em is Slytherin. You don't wanna end up there… not a witch or wizard who went bad wasn't in there!" Rini trembled at the thought of being in Slytherin. "And then there's Hufflepuff. They say the people in there are a bit daft," she commented, lowering her voice. "Ravenclaw is the second best. That's where the smart people go!! And the best is Gryffindor. I hope I'm there! Brave people belong in it. And it's no wonder- Harry Potter is in there!"  
  
"Oh, okay- wait, Harry's in there?" Nikki asked, perking up.  
  
"Oh, yes." Rini smiled. She wondered what had gotten into the older girl's eyes. They were gleaming mischievously.  
  
Suddenly, Nikki shouted out, "Hey! Ullanda! Over here!"  
  
Ullanda hurried over. "What, you getting ready to be sorted, too?" Nikki asked her.  
  
Rini stared at her. "Hi!"  
  
"Oh, hello, little sister!" Ullanda beamed.  
  
"Whoa, you guys know each other?" Nikki asked, clueless.  
  
"Yup!" Rini grinned. "She's my big sister!"  
  
"Cool!" Nikki started to say something else, but the Sorting Hat cut their conversation short.  
  
When it had stopped singing, McGonagall stood up and shouted out the names. Soon, she came to, "Boaramillo, Rini!"  
  
"That's me," Rini gulped. "Wish me luck!"  
  
She jammed on the hat and it quickly shouted out, "GRYFFINDOR!!!"  
  
"Well, I'm next…" Ullanda grimaced. She became a Gryffindor as well. 'Must be a Neville-sort of braveness case,' thought Ron as he watched Ullanda sit next to the boy. 'Gosh, he's got it bad.'  
  
Soon, it became Nikki's turn. She stuck on the hat and thought, "ya know, this hat could color coordinate with anything!"  
  
The hat made a hat-chuckle and, much to her surprise, started talking.  
  
"So, I could go with anything, eh?"  
  
"Oh, yes!" Nikki grinned and giggled.  
  
"Well, well, well… another Parselmouth…" the hat commented in surprise.  
  
"Yup! I find it kinda cool, and rather useful. But everyone thinks it's scary…" Nikki puzzled aloud.  
  
The hat chuckled again. "Hmmm… first one I've seen in years that could make me laugh… of course, the last two were the Weasley twins… hilarious, those two…"  
  
Nikki became alarmed. "Wait, since I can speak Parseltongue, you're not gonna put me in Slytherin, are you?"  
  
"Maybe… where do you want to go?"  
  
"Gryffindor, please!" Nikki promptly replied.  
  
"Ah… I see… yes, you would be good in… GRYFFINDOR!!!"  
  
As the hat announced this, everyone at the Gryffindor table began to yell and cheer. Ron, who had his fingers crossed the whole time, screamed the loudest. Nikki beamed as she pushed Ron out of his seat next to Harry and sat down.  
  
"I just knew I was gonna be with you Harry, sweetie."  
  
"Er, right…" Harry felt his face burn. Sweetie? "So Nikki, what took so long?"  
  
"Oh, I had a conversation with the Hat. Made him laugh, all that good stuff."  
  
"Ah… I see…" Harry replied, staring at her. Laugh? How could a hat laugh?  
  
"Soooo, what do we eat? And when?" Nikki asked impatiently, changing the subject.  
  
"It'll come, just a minute," Harry replied, also changing his focus and watching the last of the first years hurry off to their tables.  
  
"Where? I don't see-"  
  
Suddenly the empty plates filled themselves before the students.  
  
"-it," Nikki finished, eyes wide. "Whoa! Look at all the food!"  
  
"Watchu waitin' for?" Seamus asked, mouth full of food already. "Dig in!"  
  
And so they did.  
  
"Hey, Harry!" Nikki called through a mouthful of mashed potatoes. "Where's the pizza?"  
  
"They don't serve that here at Hogwarts!" he yelled back at her.  
  
"And they call themselves a school?" Nikki cried, dropping her fork in shock. "I've seen pigs who even get to eat the crust off Pizza Hut's best! This is a complete outrage! I've never been so-"  
  
She stopped as Professor McGonagall marched over.  
  
"Uh… hi, Auntie Minerva!!!"  
  
"Miss Harply, a word if you please," she said sharply.  
  
"I'm all ears, professor!" Nikki chirped.  
  
"In my office."  
  
"Oh. Uh, right. Just let me finish-"  
  
"NOW!"  
  
"Okay, okay. Don't be such a-" Nikki stopped as Professor McGonagall glared at her. She gulped and grabbed one more piece of steak, swallowing hastily. "I'm coming!"  
  
Nikki glanced uneasily at Harry, who just shrugged.  
  
She patted him on the head. "I'll be right back, Harry honey."  
  
"Watch the language..." muttered Ginny.  
  
"Hey Auntie Miner-," Nikki started.  
  
"Here, I am Professor McGonagall to you, Dominique."  
  
"Right. Okay."  
  
Nikki followed McGonagall out of the Great Hall into her office. She seated herself in the chair in front of the desk.  
  
"Nice place you got here, professor!"  
  
"Sucking up will not get you out of trouble, Dominique."  
  
"Right. So sorry. My mistake."  
  
"First off, what are you wearing?"  
  
Nikki looked down at her clothes. "Why, do you like it, professor? I wore my absolute best for the occasion."  
  
"And it will be your last time as well. Detention, Harply."  
  
"But- but why?" Nikki said in horror.  
  
"At Hogwarts, you wear shirts that do not show your belly button. You will be required to wear your cloak. At ALL TIMES!"  
  
"That's so unfair! How am I supposed to get guys now?!?" Nikki slumped back in her chair and pouted.  
  
"Another thing," McGonagall pursued, ignoring Nikki's attitude, "What bunk shall we put you in?"  
  
Nikki perked up a little. "Bunk?" she asked slyly, an idea forming in her head.  
  
"Yes, you will be sharing a bunk with someone you know," McGonagall flipped through some parchments. "Ah yes, of course! We'll put you in with Miss Granger."  
  
"WHAT!"  
  
"Problem, Miss Harply?" McGonagall asked, amused.  
  
"Yes! BIG problem! I had someone else in mind!"  
  
"Really. I am quite interested, who?"  
  
"Oh I don't know, Lavender, Ginny, Parvathi, HARRY???"  
  
"Don't be ridiculous. Imagine, letting a girl bunk with a boy. Especially 16-year-olds!"  
  
"Why not? We used to do it all the time in America!"  
  
McGonagall put her hand to her heart. "Gracious! No wonder she wanted you transferred!"  
  
Nikki disappointingly said, "You sure I can't bunk with Harry?"  
  
"Absolutely not."  
  
Nikki pouted. "Party pooper."  
  
"Five points from Gryffindor."  
  
"All right, all right...but professor?"  
  
McGonagall sighed. "Yes, Dominique?"  
  
"I guess I'll wear my cloak at all times...but only if you promise me something."  
  
"What is it, Dominique?"  
  
"Well, first off, call me Nikki."  
  
"All right," McGonagall said, hiding a grin.  
  
"And second, I'll only wear my cloak if you promise that you and all the other professors will never bug me or anybody in every house but Slytherin about their clothes, as long as they're wearing their cloaks. 'Kay?"  
  
"WHAT?" McGonagall practically shouted. "I'll have none of that, young lady. Detention. Yes, another one. And as for your clothes- well, you'll have to take it up with the Headmaster. However, I can assure you that as long as you have your robes on, you should not be punished. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to have a chat with another student."  
  
Nikki walked out of the office, feeling dejected. "Hmm… Headmaster?" she thought slyly. 


	4. Hermione Learns how to go Insane

By NoNoMoon and Chica  
  
Disclaimer: We do not own Harry Potter or any of the characters or things associated with it. That, my friends, is why life sucks. Oh yeah, this is a spin-off. So don't get any little (or big) ideas into your little (or big) heads. Enjoy! P.s. Nikki is our character, along with the others we happened to invent. SO DON'T SUE!!!!!!!  
  
Harry Potter and the New Girl  
  
"Hermione!" Nikki burst into Hermione's dorm, almost dancing.  
  
"What are you doing here?" Hermione, irritated, asked, putting her book down.  
  
"Why else? I'm your new roomie! Gimme a hug!!!"  
  
"Oh no!!!"  
  
Nikki's jaw dropped. "Hermione, I'm shocked!" she said, tears forming in her eyes. "Why...why don't you want me as your dorm partner??? Am I not nice enough? I know that I can be kinda rough and stuff, but still..."  
  
Hermione sighed. "No, no, Nikki, it's not that, it's just that..." she paused. "Oh, all right, it's just that this is the first year I've gotten a room all to myself. And now...well, I kind of just want to be alone."  
  
Nikki sighed. "Oh, is that all? Well then, girl, you need to mellow out. I promise to only throw parties in the common room. And don't worry, I can help you cram. You wouldn't think it, but I'm pretty smart!"  
  
Hermione groaned.  
  
"Gosh, Hermione, you seem kinda stressed. I know! Let's celebrate! My first night at Hogwarts!!! C'mon, tomorrow and the next day I've gotta do detention, so let's par-tay tonight!!! Like, okay, let's start with makeovers. I'm thinking red highlights in my hair. Something that'll make me stand out from the others. Whaddya think?"  
  
"Uh...er...sounds terrific, Nikki...whatever you say..." Hermione cluelessly told her.  
  
"All right!" Nikki took out her wand and zapped some red streaks into her hair. "It looks totally awesome! Whaddya think, Hermione?"  
  
Hermione grinned. "I completely agree with you, Nikki."  
  
Nikki laughed. "Okay, now for you!"  
  
"WHAT!"  
  
"You heard me! I think that… hmmmm… blue maybe? Or green. OH!!!! I know!!!! Topaz!!!!" Nikki said, on a roll. She took out her wand and pointed it at Hermione's head. Hermione looked about nervously as Nikki said the spell and topaz sparks flew out of her wand. Nikki smiled triumphantly. "Killer," she grinned.  
  
Hermione grabbed a mirror. "WOW," she breathed. "It's really, really neat. Well, now that we're through-,"  
  
Nikki laughed. "We're not done yet!" She walked over to Hermione's chest, pulled out some robes, and threw them at Hermione. "Put these on," she instructed.  
  
"What..."  
  
"Just do it, okay?"  
  
Hermione sighed and pulled on the robes. Nikki grinned. "I know exactly what to do. Just stand really, really still." To Hermione's surprise, she reached into her trunk and pulled out a sketchbook and a pencil. She pointed her wand at the pencil and then at Hermione and mumbled a few words. The pencil sort of jumped up into the air and started sketching Hermione. Then it fell to the ground. "Excellent!" Nikki proclaimed. Then, to Hermione, "I would have done it myself, but it would have taken too much time."  
  
Hermione nodded. "I see your point...Excellent spell, by the way."  
  
Nikki grinned and flipped her now-ruby-streaked ebony hair over her shoulder. She commented, "Thanks. I found it in a book and my old teacher taught me how to do it." Her emerald eyes flashed happily as she picked up the pencil and shook it. She erased some of the cloak lines in the middle and drew in a tank top revealing Hermione's belly button and a miniskirt. Then she erased the sneakers and drew platform sandals instead. Finally, she erased Hermione's hair so it was shoulder-length and styled it up a little bit. The hair was curved in at the chin, and slowly flipped out so that it was straight. She held it up for Hermione to see.  
  
"Oh my gosh..." Hermione gasped.  
  
"You like?" Nikki asked, concerned.  
  
"Totally..."  
  
"Good!" Nikki smiled and pointed her wand at the page and then at Hermione again, this time whispering a different spell. Suddenly, Hermione's uniform was transformed to match the outfit of girl on the page. Hermione gasped and grabbed her hair. It had, like her outfit, had become identical to the girls' hair. "So, whaddya think?" Nikki asked, excited.  
  
Hermione nodded. "It's different...but I like it."  
  
"COOL!!! That's totally, superbly awesome!!!" Nikki was jumping up and down. "This is, like, SO gonna be the newest style."  
  
"But...Nikki...the professors are going to be angry when they discover the clothing..." Hermione said, frowning.  
  
Nikki just smiled. "Sure, I guess so, but they are powerless against us!!! Girls everywhere unite!"  
  
Hermione's frown deepened. "Now, honestly, Nikki, I really think you are underestimating the teachers here. The rules may be different in America, but here, they are written in stone."  
  
Laughing, Nikki explained, "Well, ya see, as long as you wear your robes, you're set. I still haveta talk to the Headmaster about it, though. But just wear those clothes, okay? And I'll make you lots of sets. And teach you how. It's SOOOO easy...okay?"  
  
"All right..." Hermione agreed, mystified.  
  
"Okay, last but SOOOO definitely not last..." Nikki grinned, rummaging around in her duffel, "MAKE-UP!!!!"  
  
Hermione laughed. "Make-up? I never use that! I believe that it clutters ones' face."  
  
Nikki gasped, astonished. "Why ever not? It's awesome!" Nikki grabbed all her makeup and sat down on Hermione's bed. "We're gonna do this the Muggle way," she announced cheerfully, motioning for Hermione to sit down. She frowned. "Well, maybe not QUITE the Muggle way...I haven't chilled with non-Muggles for SOOOOOO long, dudette, you so wouldn't believe it..." She giggled and pointed her wand at Hermione once again. By now, Hermione was getting quite used to Nikki's spontaneous spells. Nikki whispered yet another odd word, and Hermione was cloned. The Clone giggled. "Your name is Missy," Nikki instructed it.  
  
Missy giggled again. "Kay!" She flashed Hermione a huge grin. "Like, you must be the other me!" She giggled. Hermione rolled her eyes as Missy began to sing "Missy who? Missy me! My name is, like, Miss-ee!!!! HEE HEE!!!!!!!" Now Nikki was rolling her eyes. "SHUT UP!!!!!!!!!!" She screamed. Missy did so. "Now stand ABSOLUTELY still." Missy smiled and said "KAY!!!!" Nikki groaned. "Don't say a single other word."  
  
Nikki turned to Hermione and explained, "Missy is the opposite of you; only, she looks exactly the same. I made her so that you would be able to see what you really look like while getting the makeover. And you can help, too!!! The spell was kinda hard, but my teacher liked me, and taught me a lot of useful spells… now, what kind of makeup do you like?"  
  
Hermione shrugged, secretly pleased that she was finally discovering how to look pretty. It was pretty nice having a really cool girl friend. Ron and Harry were okay, but they knew nothing about clothing. With Nikki around, she thought, that won't last for long... "Um, er, I don't quite know...you can just experiment, I suppose." This caused Nikki to grin widely. "Excellent! I LOVE getting to give peeps makeovers...this is soooo awesome..." Nikki advanced upon Missy. "Kay, we're starting with this natural colored glitter eye shadow." She stood back to admire the eye shadow. "Whaddya think?"  
  
Hermione couldn't help but smile. "Lovely," she said.  
  
Nikki grinned. "Great. Now we do the eyeliner and the mascara...we'll do topaz colored mascara to bring out the streaks in your hair..." She looked Missy over. "All right, now for blush...not too dark...EW! Oh my gosh, I can't believe I did that...I should make it a shade lighter..." Nikki shook her head in disgust. "All right, that's better..."  
  
Hermione giggled. "Yes, I agree." Nikki turned around and smiled briefly, only to turn back to look at Missy.  
  
"Okay, now the final touch...lip gloss!!!" The lip-gloss was dark peach with red and gold flecks mixed in. "I love it! Do you?" Hermione agreed one hundred percent. "Okay, now for you." Nikki repeated the spell she had done with the girl on the page and Hermione. Missy disappeared as Hermione's face became identical to her clones. "Okay, now let me do my style of clothes, and then we'll go down to the common room!" Nikki announced cheerfully.  
  
"Uh...er...all right," Hermione agreed hesitantly.  
  
Nikki finished within seconds. "Kay, let's go!!!" She dragged Hermione down from the tower to the common room.  
  
As they entered, Nikki announced "Ta-da!!!! Check this out!!!"  
  
All heads turned to look at who was announcing this. "HERMIONE?!?" they all gasped. Ron and Harry could only gape. Seamus and Dean had practically fainted. Dean finally found his voice and said, "WOW." Ron nodded his head in agreement, but then focused on Nikki. "Beautiful..." he murmured. Harry glanced at him and grinned, seeing that his eyes were on Nikki. Nikki smiled and muttered to Hermione, "Take your pick...all the guys want ya..." Hermione blushed as Nikki walked over to Harry and Ron. She promptly sat in Harry's lap.  
  
Harry blushed as he told Nikki, "I think Ron has a crush on you...and he's kinda mad that you fell for his best friend." Nikki said, "Oh, how sweet, you're concerned about him..." and got up. She walked over to Ron and gave him a kiss on the cheek. Ron immediately turned bright red as Nikki retreated back into her old position with Harry. But before she could get anything started, her eyes fell upon Ullanda.  
  
The poor girl was standing in a corner, looking totally lost. "Erm, hello. I'm supposed to be bunked with-," she frowned, looking at the paper. "With Dominique Harply and Hermione Granger."  
  
Nikki jumped up. "Yippee! Another roomie!!! Oh, Hermiiiiiioneeeeee!!!!!!!!!"  
  
Hermione rolled her eyes and walked over. "What?" she asked peevishly.  
  
"Ullanda here is our new roomie!!!!"  
  
At this, Hermione could only roll her eyes and mutter something that sounded suspiciously like, "oh no, not another one."  
  
Nikki, who hadn't noticed the comment, grabbed Ullanda's trunk. "Ooff," she said. "Gosh, what do you HAVE in here? Oh, never mind. C'mon, gimme a hand, here!" The trio managed to get the trunk upstairs. While up in the dorm, Nikki grabbed her faithful hat- the baseball hat she always wore. She put it on backwards and hurried back downstairs to Harry, closely flanked by the rest.  
  
Nikki had just re-settled for the second time in Harry's lap when a very disgruntled-looking Prof. McGonagall entered the room. "Bed! Now!" The Gryffindors, looking displeased, got up and headed towards their dorms. Nikki slowly raised, gave Harry a peck on the cheek, hugged Ron, Dean, and Seamus, and sleepily stumbled up the stairs.  
  
"Hey Harry!" Ron whispered urgently as they headed off to their dorm. "Didja see? Didja see? She hugged me! And she kissed me before!" Harry, who knew about Ron's frequent crushes (i.e.: Fleur), just nodded and stumbled into bed. 


	5. Rude Awakening

By NoNoMoon and Chica  
  
Disclaimer: We do not own Harry Potter or any of the characters or things associated with it. That, my friends, is why life sucks. Oh yeah, this is a spin-off. So don't get any little (or big) ideas into your little (or big) heads. Enjoy! P.s. Nikki is our character, along with the others we happened to invent. SO DON'T SUE!!!!!!!  
  
The next morning, Nikki was up at what literally seemed like the crack of dawn. "The sunrise!" She announced gleefully, opening the blinds so the light shone in Hermione and Ullanda's faces.  
  
Hermione groaned. "Turn off the sun, somebody..."  
  
"Forget that, somebody turn off Nikki..." Ullanda added. She wrinkled her nose and burrowed deeper into the covers. Nikki frowned at this last remark.  
  
"Rise and shine, sleepyheads! We're gonna go out and paint!"  
  
"Paint?" Hermione asked drowsily.  
  
Nikki nodded. "Good for the soul! And besides, the Quidditch field must look beautiful at this time of morning!!!"  
  
Ullanda got up, wiping sleep from her eyes. Hermione, seeing she really didn't have an option, also rose. They got dressed and brushed their hair quite slowly, urged on by Nikki. Finally, Nikki stopped and said, "I'll get the stuff. Hey, Ullanda- do you think Rini would wanna come?"  
  
"Yeah, sure, whatever..." Ullanda groaned, trying to prevent herself from falling asleep again.  
  
"Great, I'll go get her." Nikki rushed around, trying to find Rini's dorm. When she had found it, she burst in and stood over Rini's bed. "Rini, wake up!" she whispered, shaking the poor eleven year old. "RINI! WAKE UP!" The other girl's eyes fluttered open, and a hand shot out to slap Nikki, but missed badly. "Go away, Mom... I wanna sleep... lemme alone..." At this, Nikki sighed. "RINI!!!! C'MON ALREADY!!!!!"  
  
This time the hand connected. "Go away or I'll kill your bloody self," the younger girl muttered. Nikki opened her mouth, about to say something, but changed her mind. "Guess she's not a morning person..." she said instead.  
  
After they had proceeded to get caught painting on the Quidditch field, Nikki, Hermione, and Ullanda headed off to breakfast. 


	6. Ron's Lovely Vocabulary

By NoNoMoon and Chica  
  
Disclaimer: We do not own Harry Potter or any of the characters or things associated with it. That, my friends, is why life sucks. Oh yeah, this is a spin-off. So don't get any little (or big) ideas into your little (or big) heads. Enjoy! P.s. Nikki is our character, along with the others we happened to invent. SO DON'T SUE!!!!!!!  
  
Harry Potter and the New Girl  
  
Nikki eyed the grapes on the table at breakfast. "Oh, Haaaaaaaarrrryyyyy…"  
  
Harry looked up. "Yes?"  
  
"Open your mouth, sweetie pie!!!"  
  
"Why?" Harry looked at her, suspicious. Nikki seized the opportunity and stuffed the grapes into his mouth. She grabbed his head and shoved it into her lap.  
  
"Nikki, I'm gonna choke!" Harry tried to tell her as she stuffed even more grapes down his throat. Ron was smashing at his potatoes. They soon became a fine powder.  
  
"Oh no! Anybody know the Heimlich?" Nikki screamed. Harry winced and covered his ears as the whole school looked at Nikki, blank-eyed. "Oh, well- guess I'll hafta do it then!"  
  
"No, wait!"  
  
Nikki grabbed Harry and pummeled her fists into his chest. "C'mon Harry! Live!!!"  
  
"MISS HARPLY!!!"  
  
Nikki looked up. "Hi, Auntie Minerva!!!"  
  
"You're a brave soul, Nikki," McGonagall said icily. "My name is Professor McGonagall. And you are getting a detention for SEXUAL HARASSMENT!!!"  
  
"WHAT! Another detention! Wassup with this school??? I ALREADY have six detentions, and I'm not even at my first class yet!!!!" Nikki complained.  
  
Nikki heard some snickering from the teachers' table. She looked up to see two redheads staring at her.  
  
"Ah, Forge," one of them said, "A girl after our own heart."  
  
"Yes, Gred, and she's a cutie, eh?"  
  
"I see what you mean. Oh, hi Ronnie boy!" George waved frantically at his brother.  
  
"I'm so dead," Ron said, banging his head onto the table repeatedly.  
  
"That's my boy!" Fred yelled cheerfully. "How ya doin' Harry?"  
  
Hermione looked up, frightened. "They aren't teaching here, are they?"  
  
Dumbledore cleared his throat. "Now that Miss Harply has successfully attained six detentions and saved Harry's life-," (at this, Ron growled) "-let us continue with the morning announcements! First of all, I would like to welcome our new teachers, and our old ones." He continued to say that he would call out a name, and that teacher would stand up. "Severus Snape, Potions Master!" Snape sneered and stood. "Minerva McGonagall, Transfiguration!"  
  
"HI AUNTIE MINERVA!!!"  
  
Dumbledore smiled and continued. "Madams Hooch, Pomfrey, Sprout, and Finnigan- Flying, Infirmary, Herbology, and Defense Against the Dark Arts! Rubeus Hagrid, Care of Magical Creatures! Trelawney, Divination, couldn't attend, but she is upstairs! Flitwick, Charms! Vector, Arithmancy!" He continued on and on, ending with, "Argus Filch, Caretaker!"  
  
"Filch, old boy, how ya doin'?" Fred interrupted.  
  
"Yes, man, how have you been?" George added.  
  
Dumbledore grinned. "And, of course, how could we forget? Nice to have you back, gentlemen. A new class has been added- Humor, which we all need these days, eh? Messrs. Fred and George Weasley, owners of the nice Weasley's Wizard Wheezes shop in Hogsmeade, are the new professors!"  
  
"Crap. Crap, crap, crap, crap." Ron muttered. Harry grinned.  
  
Hermione yelled, "What is the POINT of this class? My grade average will drop, and I could be taking something IMPORTANT!!!"  
  
Dumbledore smiled but continued, "You will all be required to take this class!"  
  
"Terrific," muttered Hermione.  
  
"Yay!" yelled Nikki. "Hey, those teachers are kinda hot!"  
  
"Crap," said Ron. 


	7. An Unforgettable Transfiguration Class

By NoNoMoon and Chica  
  
Disclaimer: We do not own Harry Potter or any of the characters or things associated with it. That, my friends, is why life sucks. Oh yeah, this is a spin-off. So don't get any little (or big) ideas into your little (or big) heads. Enjoy! P.s. Nikki is our character, along with the others we happened to invent. SO DON'T SUE!!!!!!!  
  
"Open your textbooks to page 672, chapter IV. You should have read chapters I through III over your summer break. Now-," McGonagall began.  
  
At this, Nikki raised her hand, looking around at her fellow students. "Ah... very nice, these... textbooks... so, heh, where did you get these, exactly?" she whispered loudly.  
  
McGonagall, however, was ignoring Nikki. She continued with her lesson, "Chapter IV, When Baboon Transfigurations Go Wrong. Now, you have all been provided with a baboon, which we shall transfigure AFTER we learn why we shouldn't."  
  
By now, Nikki was waving both her hands in the air rather frantically, making screeching sounds in hopes of getting McGonagall to notice her.  
  
"One possible side effect," McGonagall announced, "is making a subconscious screeching noise. This is a painful process for all those involved, so I recommend that you do not make a mistake."  
  
Nikki jumped up and down, waving her arms in an attempt at what Ron could only assume was flying.  
  
"Another side effect," McGonagall made the attempt not to raise an eyebrow, "is indecent public behavior."  
  
The class slowly turned in their desks to look at Nikki, who was jumping on her desk. Harry, being the idiot he is, muttered to Ron, "why is everyone staring at Nikki?"  
  
"The most deadly symptom, however," McGonagall looked over her eyeglasses at the class, "is the final stage- involuntary, but complete, manslaughter."  
  
At this, the class let out a scream and ran from their desks, pounding at the door.  
  
"Ron," Harry screamed, "I think there's something wrong with Nikki!!!"  
  
"TAKE YOUR SEATS!" McGonagall screamed, frustrated. The class did so, eying Nikki warily. She continued, "Is there a problem, Miss Harply?"  
  
"FINALLY! I thought you'd NEVER ask!" Nikki grinned happily at her teacher. "I never thought you'd be up to the old Silent Treatment, Auntie M, but you're one heck of a player! I beat you though-,"  
  
"Miss Harply, you must be mistaken. I do not lower myself to playing games with my students. I was merely giving an example of what happens to-,"  
  
"Suuuure, Auntie. We all know your secret," Nikki winked. "Anyways, how much...exactly...were we supposed to read over the summer?"  
  
"Six hundred and seventy-one pages, of course. You should learn a lesson from Miss Granger here. She, of course, read beyond the assigned reading. I have here her reading schedule, broken into 50 pages per book per day."  
  
"Ah. And...yeah...what textbook is this, exactly?"  
  
"101 Painful Ways You Can Die During Transfigurations. All sixth-years must cover this material, of course."  
  
"Right. Well... can I borrow your copy?"  
  
"DETENTION!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"  
  
"Nothing says 'I love you' like detention, Auntie!" Nikki saluted. "I know deep inside that you really respect me as a human being, and you honor my traditions and values, and you're just trying to help me see the light, Auntie. I appreciate all that you've done for me, and I love you, too!" Nikki announced, throwing her arms around McGonagall's neck.  
  
"No, Nikki, I really don't."  
  
"YOU CALLED ME NIKKI! HOW TOUCHING! I think I'm gonna cry!" Nikki wailed, promptly bursting into tears.  
  
"Time for lunch!" someone yelled as the doors burst open.  
  
And so the games began, the battles commenced, and so forth.  
  
Hermione handed her Transfiguration book to Nikki as they walked out of the classroom door. "If I were you, I'd catch up on some missed reading assignments during lunch. Don't worry, at least it's only 671 pages."  
  
Nikki eyed her suspiciously. "Well, then," she agreed, taking the book from Hermione, "it's a good thing you're not me! Oh, Haaaaaaaarry! Wait up!" She disappeared into the lunchroom with the boys.  
  
Hermione frowned. "That girl..." she muttered as she, too, ran to catch up with the group, along with Ullanda. 


	8. Rivalry

By NoNoMoon and Chica  
  
Disclaimer: We do not own Harry Potter or any of the characters or things associated with it. That, my friends, is why life sucks. Oh yeah, this is a spin-off. So don't get any little (or big) ideas into your little (or big) heads. Enjoy! P.s. Nikki is our character, along with the others we happened to invent. SO DON'T SUE!!!!!!!  
  
As they approached the lunchroom, they heard a loud bang, then a thump. "What just happened?" asked Ullanda as Rini and Ginny approached the sixth- years.  
  
"I don't know, but I have a sneaking suspicion it has something to do with my brothers..." answered Ginny grimly.  
  
"Or Nikki," added Hermione. The four girls ran into the cafeteria to discover that Ron and Harry, having already finished their lunches (like all the boys in the room), were dressed in suspicious-looking cowboy suits.  
  
"All right then, partner, I saw her first, and I'm prepared to fight for the death for her, you yellow-bellied son of a-,"  
  
"RON! What ARE you doing! Get down from that table THIS INSTANT!" hissed Hermione, pulling on his boots.  
  
"The same goes for you, HARRY!" added Ginny with her hands on her hips. As soon as he stepped down from the top of the table, Nikki pounced on him.  
  
"Oh, you were so brave, ready to take that bullet for me, oh Harry, you're the best!" Nikki exclaimed as she kissed Harry.  
  
Ron glared at them and threw his gun on the ground next to Harry, water leaking out of it.  
  
"Oh Ronny boy, why didn't you ever fight to the death for me?" asked Fred as he came up behind the younger Weasley, throwing his arm around Ron's shoulder.  
  
"Yeah, Ronnikins, I feel like I'm missing out," added George, batting his eyelashes.  
  
"Oh, bother that," said Hermione as she pulled out her schedule. "What class do we have next... oh, no."  
  
"What?" asked the twins together, grinning wickedly at each other.  
  
"It's yours," she answered, her face grave. "Your class next... hold me, somebody, I think I'm going to faint. My world is coming to an end..."  
  
"Just stay away from the light at the end of the tunnel," Ron advised. Hermione turned and glared at him.  
  
"Tomorrow we have flying first thing in the morning. Then Potions, with Snape. Ah well, the best and the worst, right Harry?" Hermione grinned at Harry, who in turn glanced at Nikki, who was turning a very odd shade of green.  
  
"You all right, Nikki?" Harry asked, tapping her shoulder.  
  
"Did you say...flying? As in...the air?"  
  
"What else would you fly in, water?" Ron laughed as he slapped Nikki on the back. "Of course in the air! Man, I can't wait. I bet you look great zipping through the air, Nikki!"  
  
Seamus grinned at Dean. "And I bet the view from the ground is great, too!"  
  
Ginny glared at Seamus. "Pervert," she called him.  
  
"No, no, just Irish. There's a difference!"  
  
Nikki smiled brightly. "You're right, Ronny! I'll just get my Harry to fly with me!"  
  
Ron cursed under his breath.  
  
"Why hold it in, Ron?" asked Fred. "Say it loud, say it proud!"  
  
"Oh, Ron," contradicted Hermione, "don't. You don't want to get in trouble with the Headmaster, do you?"  
  
"Headmaster..." said Nikki thoughtfully. "I was supposed to see him for something... oh, yeah! Duh! The outfits! See you later, dudes!" With that, she marched up to the teachers' table. McGonagall raised her eyebrows pointedly at Dumbledore, then moved her eyes in Nikki's direction. Dumbledore, however, just smiled.  
  
"Dominique Harply! Would you like a lemon drop? I always find they sweeten the temper after lunch," the Headmaster announced.  
  
"Nah, I like Bertie Bott's Every Flavor Beans, myself," Nikki replied, wondering why Dumbledore was wincing. "Anyways, I'm Dominique Har- hey. How did you know that? Oh, you're the Headmaster. Just call me Nikki. Dude. I really need to talk to you about these ghetto robes."  
  
McGonagall raised an eyebrow. "Excuse me, but 'ghetto', Miss Harply?"  
  
Dumbledore held up a hand to silence his old friend. "Please, Nikki, do continue."  
  
"Okay. So I was thinking... they hide way too much. And I'm not just talking about the guys!"  
  
Dumbledore stroked his beard thoughtfully. "So... what do you propose we do?" Nikki grinned. "Now you're speaking my language." Left to negotiate, the two talked as one lone owl flew into the room, screeching with joy. 


	9. Who Needs Humor?

By NoNoMoon and Chica  
  
Disclaimer: We do not own Harry Potter or any of the characters or things associated with it. That, my friends, is why life sucks. Oh yeah, this is a spin-off. So don't get any little (or big) ideas into your little (or big) heads. Enjoy! P.s. Nikki is our character, along with the others we happened to invent. SO DON'T SUE!!!!!!!  
  
"Pig! What are you doing?!" yelled Ron as the owl crashed into him.  
  
"Owl delivery is during BREAKFAST. It is now LUNCH." The owl ignored this and handed him a parcel. Ron reluctantly gave Pig his reward and started to open the package.  
  
"Hey, Ron, what did you get?" asked Hermione eagerly. "Open it!"  
  
Ron did so to find a pair of Chudley Cannons-decorated whitey-tighties staring him in the eye. "What?" the underwear demanded. "Cannons for the Cup!"  
  
Unfortunately, the underwear had chosen to yell this rather loudly, and the entire hall turned to look at Ron, who was turning red and sinking down into his seat.  
  
"Oh, look... there's a note," proclaimed Ginny, pulling it from the remains of the wrappings. "Dearest Ronnikins- you forgot your lucky underwear. Don't worry, I packed it for you, safe and tight. You need a new pair soon; you're starting to outgrow these! Little Ronnikins is getting bigger on us! Love, Charlie." Ginny looked up from the note. "Oh, my."  
  
"Ron!" gasped Harry. "How could you?! My own best friend! This is humiliating!"  
  
"Harry!" snapped Hermione. "How insensitive!"  
  
Harry, however, was not finished. "I mean really! The Chudley Cannons! Where is your brain, man?!"  
  
Ron, meanwhile, was turning beyond red into a nice shade of magenta.  
  
"Harry!" Harry turned around at the calling of his name to see something black whizzing at him. "Get down!" He was hurled to the floor and covered in kisses by Nikki, who looked up at Ron. "That was a deliberate attempt on Harry's life! You should be punished!"  
  
"What did I do?" asked Ron.  
  
"Nevermind that! In the name of the moon, I punish you! Yah!" Nikki answered, her hair suddenly in pigtails.  
  
"Why me..." answered Ron.  
  
"Time for Humor!" Hermione grunted, pulling Nikki off of Harry. "Come on, Nikki, we gotta go... we'll be late! My perfect record tarnished forever! I'm having a nervous breakdown!"  
  
"All right, all right, chill out," Nikki said, smoothing down her hair.  
  
"Uh... Hermione... where is Humor?" asked Harry, bewildered.  
  
"I don't know, but FOLLOW THOSE TWINS!" she answered, pointing at the Weasley twins. "They have Humor!"  
  
"Enough with the puns, already!" Ron frowned, scrambling after the group. "Wait, I'll be right back, I have to go to the bathroom for something..."  
  
Once in the classroom, the twins grinned wickedly at the young students.  
  
"Ah Fred... young minds for molding," smirked George.  
  
"Right you are. So then, class, we begin with the Statements. Sign here please," added Fred as he passed out several slips of paper.  
  
"What...is this?" asked Hermione.  
  
"Not important. Just wavers giving up all free will in favor of buying all of our products at the joke shop, agreements upon how you will be graded, minor things like that."  
  
"Make you LAUGH?" she demanded. "Every DAY?!"  
  
"With a joke," George replied, "yes, that is the general gist of things in Humor."  
  
"My grade point average..." Hermione moaned.  
  
"I've got a joke!" interrupted Nikki, beaming.  
  
Fred threw all of his papers in the air and zoomed in front of Nikki, staring at her expectantly. "Well then, let's hear it!"  
  
"Okay! What's black and green and sweet all over?" she asked. Not waiting for an answer, she shouted out, "HARRY!" while grabbing the object off her affections.  
  
"Not the kind of joke we were looking for," George answered. "Well Harry, you heard the girl, what's your joke?"  
  
"I don't know any jokes..." Harry replied.  
  
"Well learn one, man! And hurry, it's time for Humor!" Fred demanded.  
  
"Uh... what's fat, grunts like a pig, and likes to punch me?"  
  
Fred and George looked at each other and slapped their faces, answering together, "Dudley."  
  
"How'd you know??" asked Harry, his eyes widening. "That's amazing!! Hey Hermione, I think that this class is really Psychicivity!"  
  
"Psychic...ivity, Harry?" she frowned.  
  
"Nevermind, Harry's an idiot, what we need to do is teach this class!" Fred told George.  
  
"Mmm hmm boy, you tell 'em!" George snapped his fingers in an S shape. "Gimme some of that sugar! You go, boy!"  
  
"George..."  
  
"Right. Sorry. So... an example of Humor... what can I say.." George looked around the room, spotted his younger brother, and grinned devilishly. "Ron, pull down your pants!"  
  
"Excuse me?!"  
  
"Just do it," George said, yawning. Unbeknownst to Ron, Fred was sneaking up behind him. "Or else."  
  
"Or else what- WHAT!" yelled Ron, dismayed to find his pants at his ankles. He whirled around to find Fred there, holding his belt. "FRED! I'M GOING TO KILL YOU!" Ron lunged at Fred, but was tripped by his pants.  
  
"And we have a man down!" declared the underwear. "Cannons for the Cup!"  
  
"That's not funny, that's just disturbing," said Harry, frowning at the underwear. "Cannons... blech."  
  
"Harry!" Nikki sobbed, slapping him across the face, "how could you?! Stop staring at Ron's butt! Mine is so much more attractive!"  
  
Blushing, Ron stood up and pulled up his pants, glaring at the twins, who were rolling on the floor with laughter.  
  
"Good job! You all pass..." declared Fred.  
  
"Oh, thank heavens," breathed Hermione.  
  
"...for the day," finished George.  
  
Hermione stood up. "WHAT!" Then, she fainted. 


	10. Ron's Love Life

By NoNoMoon and Chica  
  
Disclaimer: We do not own Harry Potter or any of the characters or things associated with it. That, my friends, is why life sucks. Oh yeah, this is a spin-off. So don't get any little (or big) ideas into your little (or big) heads. Enjoy! P.s. Nikki is our character, along with the others we happened to invent. SO DON'T SUE!!!!!!!  
  
It was much later when she finally asked, "where am I?"  
  
"The dormitory!" grinned Nikki. "You passed out! Ron's butt was just too much for you, huh?" she said, elbowing Hermione. "I knew it all along! You like Ron, don't you?!"  
  
"What! No! That's disgusting!"  
  
Nikki looked at Ullanda, who rolled her eyes. "Denial," they said together.  
  
"I do NOT like Ron," Hermione protested.  
  
"So, tell me all about it," Nikki grinned, bouncing on Hermione's bed. "When did you first find out? How much do you like him? Are you pregnant?"  
  
"WHAT!" Hermione turned pale. "That's... that's... that's..."  
  
"Well it's obvious that he likes you," Nikki said, brushing her hair. "I mean, how much more like...duh...can a guy be?"  
  
"Oh, I don't know, a LOT?!"  
  
Ullanda piped in, "No, Hermione, it's so clear. He's liked you since forever!"  
  
"You haven't even known us forever!"  
  
"No, but I found his diary," grinned Ullanda. Nikki walked over to Ullanda's desk and pulled out a brown book. "Nikki's got it, see?"  
  
Nikki opened it and started to read. "I really like- hey, Ullanda, did you cross something out here? It's all scribbled over, and the next bit really doesn't look like boy handwriting, and the crossed out bit looks like my name, but whatever!- I really like Hermione," she read. "See?"  
  
Hermione looked at the diary.  
  
I really like Nikki Hermione. She is so hot with her black hair. I want to make out with her. It's too bad that she's smitten with Harry. Stupid jocks.  
  
"I don't have black hair..." Hermione glared pointedly at Nikki. "Ron likes YOU!"  
  
"What, no way, guys hide their feelings like that, it must be a code!"  
  
"That's girls, Nikki, not guys."  
  
"What are you talking about, I never hide my feelings! Harry's so perfect, how could I? If Harry finds out about Ron's secret crush on you, he'd be devastated! Your trio would fall apart! So of course Ron hides his true feelings in code, in case Harry would find his diary, read it, and never be friends with Ron again! Poor, innocent, victimized Harry," Nikki announced with a wistful sigh. "An experience like that would just be traumatic!"  
  
"Girls!" came McGonagall's voice from outside the hallway. "It is LIGHTS OUT! I don't know why you're up this late, but if it continues, I shall have to deduct points from Gryffindor!"  
  
"But Auntie M, I don't have my pj's on!"  
  
"BED, Miss Harply!"  
  
"Oh all right," grumbled Nikki as the lights in the room went off.  
  
Ron woke up with a start. "Psst.... Ronnie... I know your secret!"  
  
"What?" Ron rubbed his eyes. "Ni- NIKKI?!"  
  
"Shh!"  
  
"What are you doing here?!"  
  
"I told you already, I know your secret!"  
  
"Nikki, it's the middle of the night!"  
  
"I know, but this is important! So we stole your diary and-,"  
  
"WHAT!"  
  
"Shh! So I know who you like now! And I happen to know that she returns the feelings!"  
  
"Really?!? That's awesome!" answered Ron, wondering why Nikki was talking in third person.  
  
"But we CAN'T TELL HARRY, okay? I mean he'd just be so devastated!"  
  
Harry woke up. "Did someone call?"  
  
"Oh, nothing, Harry! Go back to bed, darling!" Nikki said, running over to give him a hug. "You have to keep up your strength so that you can be my hero!"  
  
"Okay, Nikki... whatever you say.... Goodnight...."  
  
"Night, my sweet little Living Boy! Anyways, Ronnie, I have a plan to get you guys together!"  
  
"Really, what is it? What should I- I mean, what should Ron do?" Ron asked, deciding to talk in third person as well.  
  
"Just be really nice to her tomorrow- you might even want to flash her! She really likes that. Oh, and take off your shirt so she can see your rippling abs. Carry her books for her- you'll need the muscles that you'll gain from it!" Nikki looked at Ron critically. "Give her a kiss every time you see her enter or leave the room! Write secret love notes! Just make sure that Harry doesn't get jealous, okay? I mean, you wouldn't want your friendship to dissolve!"  
  
"Okay! Thanks, Nikki!" Ron said, reaching up for a hug.  
  
"Sure thing!" Nikki grinned, ignoring the hug. "See you tomorrow! Don't forget what I told you!" 


	11. Flying

By NoNoMoon and Chica  
  
Disclaimer: We do not own Harry Potter or any of the characters or things associated with it. That, my friends, is why life sucks. Oh yeah, this is a spin-off. So don't get any little (or big) ideas into your little (or big) heads. Enjoy! P.s. Nikki is our character, along with the others we happened to invent. SO DON'T SUE!!!!!!!  
  
The next morning, Nikki was late for breakfast. "Nikki!" cried Ron as she walked into the room, jumping up to greet her. "Good morning," he said, trying to give her a kiss on the cheek.  
  
"Morning, Ronnie!" she said. "Is it working?!?"  
  
"Um... not quite yet."  
  
"Huh. Well don't worry, I'll have a girl talk with her, and she won't be able to resist you!  
  
"Okay. Hey Nikki, I got you these," he said, pulling out a bouquet of flowers and several love notes.  
  
"Aww how sweet, you're so shy! I'll be sure to give her these for you! I'll keep it on the dl though, since we don't want Harry to find out!"  
  
"Uh...thanks," Ron told her cluelessly.  
  
"Anytime! Let's go to the table!" Nikki bounced off.  
  
"Wait Nikki, can I carry your books?" he called after her. Unfortunately, Nikki was already at the table and passing the flowers and notes under the table to a very surprised Hermione.  
  
Hermione opened the note and read it under the table.  
  
Nikki- Thanks for coming to talk to me last night. I really like you and I'm glad that you feel the same way. Meet me by the Quidditch field tonight after Potions so that we can talk- without Harry. We have to keep this a secret. Love, Ron.  
  
"That's nice, Nikki," said Hermione, frowning.  
  
"Do you like it?"  
  
"Sure, whatever, are you gonna go?"  
  
"Go where?"  
  
"Stop shoving your life in my face, okay, because I really don't care!" Hermione hissed, throwing down the flowers and stalking off.  
  
"Wait," Nikki called after her, "don't you want the stuff?"  
  
"Hey guys, time for flying," Seamus said to the group. "Let's go!" He offered an arm to both Nikki and Ullanda. "Can I escort you ladies to the field?"  
  
"No thanks, I've got Harry!" Nikki announced, clutching Harry's arm.  
  
Seamus raised his eyebrows at Ullanda. "Well, you win some, you lose some, right?"  
  
Ullanda smiled at him. "Well, actually, cousin, I was hoping that-,"  
  
"Hey Seamus, mind if I cut in?" Neville offered his arm to Ullanda. "Can I escort Ullanda?"  
  
"Sure, Neville, no problem," Seamus said, turning to Dean.  
  
"Don't even think about it."  
  
Seamus shrugged. "Well, you lose some, you.... Hey, I'm a big boy, I can walk myself... DEAN I'M A LOSER!!!"  
  
"I know, Seamus. I know."  
  
Once on the Quidditch field, the sixth-years grabbed their brooms and watched Madame Hooch. "Hey Harry," muttered Draco, "how much?"  
  
"How much for what?" Harry glared at Draco.  
  
"Nikki, of course... how much?"  
  
Nikki walked by, glaring. "Sorry, Snake Boy, not for sale. My Harry will beat you up!"  
  
Madame Hooch blew her whistle. "Everyone, IN THE AIR!"  
  
Nikki gulped as her broom took off. Sadly, she had not mounted it yet, and was dangling by one hand. "HARRYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!" she yelled. "HELP MEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!"  
  
Ron looked over to see a dismayed Nikki. "Nikki! Just hold on to the broom!" he yelled. "I'm coming to save you!"  
  
"Broom! Ahh! Broom! HARRYYYYYYYYY!" 


End file.
